Lockdown – S02E01

The day the second lockdown started…

So us French are back in lockdown, for the second time since March 2020 and to be honest, it is hitting me more than I anticipated.

When the first lockdown was decided, we were still living in the UK. I was 10 days away from giving birth to our third child. My mind was not focused on work but on my family and I was prepared to spend lots of times indoor anyway in the spring because I would be taking care of a newborn. Also, we had a house with a garden back then and the UK’s version of lockdown was milder than the French.

Fast forward to today, the first day of my second lockdown, and this time, I am feeling shell shocked, trapped and overall a bit sad. My outlook on this lockdown is totally different now that I am back to work.

As long as I can remember, I have felt pressure to perform. From primary school to professional life, I always had this urge to do effective things and to work with ambition. Not a bad thing in itself, but in my case, a source of anxiety as much as of pleasure. So the first lockdown was a welcome parenthesis of mindfulness. As much as it is hard for me to admit, I loved living the life of a 50s housewife for 3 months.

But now that I am ready to go again, family complete, settled back in my home country, new job, this lockdown is just cutting my wings. I feel like most people felt in March I guess : deflated, anxious, frustrated, demotivated.

And I have less time for baking !

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